It's actually one of the most painful things. I think just about everyone has experienced it in some shape or form. It doesn't have to come from romantic relationships, some friendships can cause heartbreak, as well as family disputes etc. So how do we heal from it? I'm no expert (trust me! lol!) but I'm happy to give my two cents as some of y'all requested this.
One of my favourite scriptures concerning heartbreak is actually Psalm 34:17-18 in The Message Version. It reads:
"Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you.If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath."
It always reminds me that God is always present, no matter what.
There's a saying - "time heals." I used to believe that. But then I realised, it's not completely accurate. Time heals, if you use that time wisely. Should you just simply allow time to pass without directly addressing issues and working on your heart, or, by using temporary plasters to bind up what's really broken, the brokenness will still remain, and you'll most definitely end up making the same mistakes.
So how do you get over heartbreak?
1. You have to admit that you are heartbroken in the first place.
We are all really good at pretending. "No, it doesn't bother me", "No, I don't care", "No, it doesn't even phase me", "I've moved on", or one of my favourites "It's okay. It is well." Lol! It's okay to say you wanted something, or you expected something and you were disappointed. Life happens. I am yet to meet a patient who receives treatment, without first acknowledging they have an issue that needs to be dealt with in the first place! Acknowledge that your broken-hearted, it doesn't even have to be to anyone else, know it within yourself, then we can move onto the next step.
2. Invite God in.
Psalm 51:17 -"The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. You will not despise a broken and humbled heart, God."
God does not despise a broken heart. He doesn't despise you for being broken. If I'm honest, sometimes, if I feel brokenhearted and its a result of my own foolishness, I'm a little reluctant to give my pain to God. I do not want to get a massive I told you so...(the same goes with telling friends LOL) But I don't think God is like that, He cares more that you're hurting and He wants to heal you. So be humble enough to acknowledge that you are in pain and then, give it to Him. Let Him work it out.
3. Acknowledge your part mama!
Proverbs 28:13 [msg] - You can’t whitewash your sins and get by with it; you find mercy by admitting and leaving them.
This one yeah! This point is key. Sometimes and I'll admit I like to do this...if I'm heartbroken, I like to replay a movie in my head, where person A is the villain and I am the victim. It's very normal to assign all of the blame to the other person, buuuuuut sis, what part did you play? Where there any red, orange, neon green, burgundy or pink flags that you ignored? Did you have abnormal expectations? Did you fall in love by looking at someones potential instead of their patterns? Were you too trusting? Acknowledge where you could have possibly gone wrong and make a note of it. It will help you to heal, mature, and hopefully, it will ensure you don't make that mistake again.
4. Pray and forgive.
Ephesians 4:31-32 [csb] - Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
Pray, pray, pray. When you pray, be open-minded to what God has to say.. you may be surprised with whatever revelation you receive. Pray about your heart, pray for the other person, just pray. God might show you things that will deepen your understanding and help you heal, or he may just give you a knowing that all will be well. He may give you peace, joy, or perhaps those tears will be replaced with grace to keep moving forward. Whatever happens - just pray, pray and forgive. Forgiveness isn't rewarding the other person, it's allowing yourself not to be poisoned by their actions. It's you allowing yourself to be free enough for God to bless you. Forgiveness is essential. Don't think about why they did what they did. It's happened. Perhaps they didn't know better, and if they did and they knowingly hurt you then, don't allow yourself to remain in the position they want you in - hurt, bitter, sad - be free, be positive, forgive, and move on.
I will also add that you may never get closure, or an apology, you may never understand why, and that's okay. God does and He's the one in control anyway. Try to trust him, so that you can forgive and let it go.
5. Distract yourself.
You cannot allow your entire existence to be about one soul. Even if you are brooooken sis, distract yourself. I'd always say the number one distraction is to get lost in God. Focus on Him, let Him be King of your heart for once...Fall in love with Him. You can also spend more time with friends and family, pick up a new hobby, make a list of goals and smash them, distract yourself, focus on yourself, evolve, and grow so that next time you know and do better. Fall in love with yourself too. Appreciate how awesome you are, learn about your own worth and become comfortable with yourself, so that when the next man comes along you will not settle for anything less than what you deserve. Invest in yourself, build yourself up as a woman, pray, read the word, learn new skills, save, travel, live your best life and do all you can for the kingdom.
6. Do NOT keep going back - Move on.
Proverbs 26:11 [msg] - "As a dog eats its own vomit, so fools recycle silliness"
Whew. This one had to be highlighted y'all. Why is it that so many of us go back lol? It's like we are expecting a different outcome each time. "As a dog eats its own vomit, so fools recycle silliness" - Proverbs 26:11 - you know the message version always gives you a slap in the face lol. Sis, don't recycle your silliness. Don't be recycling that person that always leaves you broken....move on. I have a saying..."You don't throw out the trash, just to go and check up on it once in a while." If you left someone, unless both of you have moved on and are on good terms, I don't see the need to be checking up on them, whether that's via conversations or social media. If you haven't healed, you're only hurting yourself and keeping that soul tie alive. Just move on silently sis. It doesn't matter how you are perceived. People will always have something to say. Guard your heart - all your issues of life will flow from it (Proverbs 4:23). Your heart is sacred honey. Protect it.
7. Grow comfortable with being single.
Songs of Solomon 8:4 [msg] - Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem: Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe - and you're ready.
I know the pressure to settle down and get married can be overwhelming, as a single mother, I feel it. But sis, it's okay to be single. Being alone doesn't mean your lonely. Being single doesn't mean you're odd or something's wrong with you, it's just not your time yet. Grow comfortable with that truth. Romans 8:28 (it's plastered all over this site). Everything is working out for you. Even when you can't see it or feel it. God has a plan for you. He's writing your beautiful story at His pace, in His way. Trust His timing. If God willed for it to be, it will be. Relax. If you try to move out of God's timing, you may end up settling or making a mistake. In a book called "How You Can Be In The Perfect Will of God" by Bishop Dag Heward-Mills, Bishop states that
"If God has opened a door for you to marry Araba-Lucy, you will marry her. Nothing can stop it, and nothing can change it."
So relax sis, in this season, enjoy God, enjoy life, love Him, love yourself and trust Him.
8. Write it out.
I remember ages ago, I was so heartbroken over a failed relationship. Why didn't it work out? Did I try hard enough? Should I try again? I just went over and over it in my mind until one day I decide to make a list. The list had my ex's name at the top, along with a list of pros and cons. The pros side had all his good traits, along with all the things he contributed to my life and our relationship, and the cons side had all his negative traits. It took minutes for me to see that the negative definitely outweighed the positive. That's when I didn't feel bad for letting it go anymore because I began to see that it actually wasn't my loss. Sometimes, we can become addicted to how a person makes us feel. They make us feel attractive, wanted, less lonely, needed, valued and admired, so we think we need them. When you take that away and you focus on who that individual is - their character, their habits, their traits, you might find that they simply aren't all that. They just make you feel good and are a temporary plaster for what's really bleeding inside.
9. Believe in the good.
Yes, you were disappointed, yes it didn't work out, but don't let one situation disturb your view of life or your view of God's goodness. Some things in life are lessons. Don't harp on it. Romans 8:28 - it will all work out for your good, this heartbreak included. Ephesians 3:20 - God will still do more than you can ask of, think of or imagine. Isaiah 61:7 - He will give you double for your trouble. Your life will not be full of pain. Better days are coming. In fact, the day you chose to heal was the day things got better. Heartbreak is never the end. Believe that.
Ephesians 3:20 [msg] - God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
The good news is a broken heart can be healed with time. You still have life sis, you are still beautiful, incredibly valuable, and you have Someone Spectular fighting to give you more than you can ever dream of (Ephesians 3:20). It will be alright.
I'd also recommend "How You Can Be In The Perfect Will of God" by Bishop Dag Heward-Mills if you are thinking about getting married, or if you're feeling pressure to get married or have certain things in life. It's very comforting and encouraging, it oozes wisdom about finding a good partner, and reinforces how important God's direction and timing in situations are.
I hope this helped!
Just my thoughts!
- millicent x